WEIRDEST CHRISTMAS BOOKS

"One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books."

Professor Dumbledore

• A VERY UNDEAD XMAS

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies: A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols by Michael P. Spradlin

Do they even have vocal cords?

The Undead That Saved Christmas by Lyle Tinics (Editor), Gary McKenzie (Contributor)

Jesus's unauthorized biography.

• A VERY WEIRD XMAS

Tillie and the Weird Christmas Tree  by Heather B. Moon

That tree is not weird, it just has a bearded creep hiding on it. Run, Tillie, run.

There is Something Weird in Santa's Beard by Chrissie Krebs

Crabs. It's probably crabs.

• A VERY FURRY XMAS

Jingle Bell Prowl, Jingle Bell Howl and Jingle Bell Growl by Misha Carver

I love animals, these girls reaaaaally looooveeee animals.

• A VERY MURDEROUS XMAS

The Last Christmas of Mrs. Claus by Alex Wilson

He kept visiting women on the naughty list, she wasn't going to take it anymore.

Murder for Christmas by Thomas Godfrey (editor), Gahan Wilson (illustrator), Robert Louis Stevenson (contributor)...

He only worked a day every year and complained that he was too tired, she wasn't going to take it anymore.

• A VERY CREEPY XMAS

New Year by Alan Blackwood

Clowns shouldn't celebrate Christmas. Clowns shouldn't live. I fucking hate clowns.

Alcoa's Book of Decorations by Conny von Hagen

What the hell is this poor creature? Why it's still alive? Kill it. Kill it with fire.

• A VERY MONSTROUS XMAS

Ho Ho Horror by Steve Rossiter (editor), Kathryn Hore, Cameron Trost...

That ho has green hands. That ho is probably very, very sick.

Invasion of the Christmas Puddings by Jeremy Strong

Everyone's fear came true.

Krampus: The Devil of Christmas by Monte Beauchamp

I think this nice demon it's about to eat that nasty child.

• A VERY WTF XMAS

The Indisputable Existence of Santa Claus: The Mathematics of Christmas by Hannah Fry, Thomas Oléron Evans

Sure Hannah and Thomas... Sure. Give me a little of whatever you're smoking.

Buff Hitler Gets White Socks for Christmas by Hastings Cavendish

This is one of the best / worst things I've ever seen.

Christmas Letters from Hell: All the News We Hate from the People We Love by Michael Lent 

Those psychos look like they like to eat people raw.

• A VERY PUNNY XMAS

Stocking Stuffers by David Laurents, Leigh W. Rutledge (Contributor), Tom Caffrey (Contributor), Lars Eighner (Contributor)...

I don't know if I love more the dirrty title or that George Michael looking dude's intense gaze.

Big Package by Opal Carew 

This one doesn't even try to pretend. Big Package. It's about dicks. This book has big dicks on it. Dicks.

Baby, Let It Snow by Beverly Jenkins, Elaine Overton

Maybe it's just my filthy mind with this one, but come on... It's too easy.

• A VERY CORNY XMAS

Blame It on the Fruitcake by Michael P. Spradlin

I live for this "Did you just ran me over with a fucking sled? Love it!" moment.

Holiday With A Vampire: Christmas Cravings / Fate Calls by Maureen Child, Caridad Piñeiro

Do vampires celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ too? Crazy.

Cowboy Christmas Redemption by Maisey Yates

That dog is soooo over it. "Redeem already dude, I have to pee."

• A VERY SEXY TIMES XMAS

Unwrapping Hank by Eli Easton

Even the dog is not amused "Hank, like, just stop it."

I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus by Reanna Pryce 

Kid, go to sleep. Santa is giving your daddy his present. The present is his penis.

Snowman With Benefits by Marshall Thornton

I don't know what to think about humanity anymore, honestly. Freaky shit.