martes, 28 de junio de 2016

TOP 10 TUESDAY (#8): HILARIOUS BOOK TITLES




"Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic."








*Top 10 Tuesday was created by the blog Broke and Bookish, if you want to see all the topics, past and future, you can go here.






This week was a freebie, so of course I decided to do something funny and stupid.

Which one was your favorite title? Tell me in thd comments below!



1. Make Your Own Sex Toys: 50 Quick and Easy Do-It-Yourself Projects by Matt Pagett







'Cause why the fuck not? I mean, you can't really say no with this beautifully crafted metaphores: "Make Your Own Sex Toys is sure to get the creative juices flowing." You killin' me.


Summary:


Giving new meaning to the expression "take pleasure into your own hands," Make Your Own Sex Toys is a witty yet practical guide featuring how-to directions for 50 inventive DIY accoutrements.

Readers can whip up the Knitted Willy Warmer for cold winter nights, get turned on with the Electro Stimu vibrator, or assemble the Mutual Member double-dildo to cheer up a lonely friend. 

Practical information plus easy-to-follow instructions and diagrams ensure professional results even for the crafting novice. With quick-reference sidebars, crafty improvisation ideas, and handy shortcuts, Make Your Own Sex Toys is sure to get the creative juices flowing.



2. Everything I know about Women I learned from my Tractor by Roger Welsch







Look at his happy face! He surely knowns what he's talking about! Women are just like tractors, you just press a button and you're good to go.



Summary:


Best-selling author and humorist Roger Welsch comes through again as he delivers his outrageous anecdotes from the farm fields of Nebraska. Jam-packed with Rog's creative techniques for picking up babes, buying suitable gifts for anniversaries, first dates, and more! 

Roger digs deep into his own down-home experiences to deliver his comic and witty take on love, sex, romance, and marriage as he guides more innocent generations down the same road to success that he enjoys in his own relationships. 

This humorous guide examines everything from evading capture and the old catch-and-release tactic, to the dreaded blind date. This "ultimate contribution to mankind" reveals the coveted trade secrets Roger Welsch holds dear and deserves prominent placement on the bookshelf of every self-respecting male.



3. The Manly Art of Knitting by Dave Fougner







Manly men get cold necks too, you know? Besides: "well-worked hands delicately knitting a blanket for a dog, horse or female companion." Like a true gentleman.



Summary:


A cult classic, The Manly Art of Knitting was originally published in 1972, but has been out of print for decades. Fougner initially published this book in the hope that it would encourage men to take up knitting, or those who did, would openly embrace it. 

In this amusing, yet practical guide to knitting, Dave Fougner provides a step-by-step guide for beginners as well as those taking up the needles again. Containing all of the original black and white illustrations and photographs, you cant help but smile at the shots of well-worked hands delicately knitting a blanket for a dog, horse or female companion.

Chapters include: basics, pattern stitches (garter, stockinette, purl, rib, moss, rise, and basket weave), projects, and problems. Fougner proclaims, Only a man would knit a hammock with shovel handles for needles and manila rope for yarn. Who are we to argue.



4. The Beginner's Guide to Sex in the Afterlife: An Exploration of the Extraordinary Potential of Sexual Energy by David Staume







I don't know about you, but I wanna keep getting my fun beyond the grave. This book is gonna help with that. Or probably, not.



Summary:


"The Beginner's Guide to Sex in the Afterlife "is the follow-up to David Staume's quirky and popular "Beginner's Guide for the Recently Deceased." It assumes, as did his first book, that the reader is dead, and takes the reader on a "tour" of the subject. 

With humor and intelligence, this guidebook explores the origin, purpose, and potential of sexual energy. It explains how sexual energy moves through our solar system and through us. Readers will also learn how to work with sexual energy for a richer and more fulfilled life, balance their masculine and feminine energies, and improve the quality of their love.



5. The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories by Alisa Surkis, Monica Nolan







This book sounds like weird fanfiction and I love it. You have it all, lesbians riding horses and... "she must choose between her heart and her horse." Heavy stuff.



Summary:


These Are The Unbridled Desires Of Women Without Men. . .When Their Same-Sex Passion Explodes, Will The Stables Ever Be Safe Again?

You've read about them, these sisters under the skin, vulnerable to the temptations of Sappho... Passion-starved twilight girls crossing over into a man's world of high withers, rippling hindquarters and glossy coats...

Meet women like Pauline in Miss Barnard's Unit--the country girl bereft of feminine influence who comes of age in World War I, and comes undone in the arms of a worldly debutante. . . Terry in Snake Eyes for Silky, a jockey from the school of hard knocks who falls hard for a whip-wielding gangster's moll, and finds that she must choose between her heart and her horse . . .  Innocents like Lena and Lily in The Chosen Horse, who bond over the sad fate of a cart horse, and their unspoken need to tread the waters of Lesbos . . . A world-class jumper like Julie in Lady Snow, a champion tempted by the irresistible rhythms of the bisexual Euro-beat. . . A young girl like Oreola in Pastures of Passion, who follows a lost foal to a curious farm girl--and her own destiny. . .

These Are The Women Of The Big Book Of Lesbian Horse Stories. The Paddock Gates Are Open--Come Inside And Join The Fun!

With an inspired sense of nostalgia, sensation, and wry humor, Alisa Surkis and Monica Nolan invite readers back into the curves of third-sex pulp fiction where odd-girls-out now ride as free as a filly with their Bohemian desires--side-saddle be damned. But this time, from coy flirtation to requited lust, there's nary a man in sight to set them on the straight-and-narrow.



6. Truth, Dare, or Handcuffs or Threeway by Jade James







I've never played this version of the game, but it looks like fun! It reminds me a little bit of rock-paper-scissors-lizard-spock of The Big Bang Theory, but I don't think it has the same result...



Summary:


Truth, Dare or Threeway

Nicholas, half owner of Faso Security, sets a plan in motion to bring himself closer to his human resources manager, Vanessa. He traps himself in the elevator, along with his partner, Benito, and Vanessa, and suggests a game. It's his plan to get Vanessa to reveal the truth of her feelings and Nicholas will do anything to win Vanessa's heart.

Benito, half owner of Faso Security and best friend to Nicholas, shares his love for Vanessa. He only wants to woo her, give her time to get used to the both of them before making their move. But Nicholas isn't as patient as he and he hatches a plan that will shed all of their inhibitions, paving the way for their threesome affair.

Being stuck in the elevator with two gorgeous men isn't a good thing. With the air conditioning out, the phone not working, and her bosses half naked, Vanessa agrees to play a game of Truth or Dare. The stakes are high as clothes are shed, and a three-way as hot as a furnace reveals the ultimate truth.


Truth, Dare, or Handcuffs

A proposition that went wrong. That's how Kane Strong would describe the night he'd made a threesome proposal to his lover of ten months, Rain Forester. That same night, she packed up her clothes and left without one word. Now that she's back in his life and needs his protection, Kane isn't going to let her go so easily.

Her departure tore them apart. For ten months, Rain lost herself in the only man she's ever loved. Until his partner, Costas Montero, started spending more time at their place. The way he watched her when Kane wasn't around unnerved her. But it wasn't until Kane suggested a ménage that she left. Now both reenter her life to protect her from a stalker, and she's forced to confront her feelings head on.

Costas's last assignment is done, and he's sent to team up with Kane on a mission that has his insides twisted into knots. He lost Rain before he ever got the chance to get close. And being around her without touching her would drive him insane. But he'd do anything to protect her, even if it meant watching her with his partner instead of having her for himself.



7. Am I Ready For Chest Hair? by Bradford Shellhammer







The dude behind says yep. Don't be insecure, thong guy! Stop looking at your chest hair with that doubt in your eyes! You look just fab.


Summary:


(I couldn't find one. Damn it! I bet it's good.)



8. Bitch Are You Retarded?: Stop Being a Dumbass! Either He Loves You, He's in Love with You, or You're Just Something to Do for Right Now. Either Way, Learn the Difference, and When to Walk Away. by Carlos J. Lee







Bitch, don't even think of insulting me! Who are you? Society? And don't make your titles that long just to tell me I'm stupid, pretty please?


Summary:


EVERY WOMAN HAS A GIRLFRIEND WHO NEEDS THIS BOOK! 

Carlos J. Lee has been every "bad boy" that you have ever dated. He's a former dog, liar, cheater, asshole, user, manipulator and has slept with hundreds of women. He is here to teach you that when it comes to the man in your life it only comes down to three things, either he loves you, or he's in love with you and when to walk away! 

You will learn the difference between possessing a man's mind and his heart. You will also learn what most women don't know about a man, which is, a man knows within the first five minutes of meeting a woman, what role he wants her to play in his life. 

These are the reasons why most women find themselves heartbroken, frustrated, and losing sleep. They don't know the difference and are unaware. 

Today is your awakening, your epiphany and new beginning. You will see the man in your life in a different way and know how he really feels about you. Carlos will save you from years of heartache and wasting your time with a man who isn't your real soul mate.



9. Natural Harvest - A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes by Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer







Ew. No, thank you, but no, thank you. Well, everybody says I'm a picky eater, so maybe that's why there's no way in hell. Or maybe it's because ew.


Summary:


Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. 

Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!



10. Birth Control Is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and Also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!! by Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson







What even? What the holy fuckidity fuck is this? Firstly, lady you just need to calm yo tits with the caps lock and the long ass summary, and secondly... I don't even know what to say. Just don't.


Summary:


This is a Holy Spirit Manuscript book: when you buy this book you will be reading a Holy Spirit directed book from God & Christ Jesus. T

HIS BOOK IS GODS HOLYSPIRIT VOICE: THE CALL FOR ALL CHRISTIANS & CHURCHES TO REPENT FROM ALL THEIR SINS: EVEN FROM FALSE CHRIST TEACHINGS. BIRTH CONTROL SINS HAVE CURSE THE CHURCH WITH SPIRITUAL WHOREDOM & FALSE WORSHIP. RESULTING IN THE PERSECUTIONS: AGAINST THE HOLY PEOPLE. THIS BOOK MAY BE REVISED: BECAUSE OF COMPUTER DICTATORS: MANY WORDS IN THIS BOOK: MADE HAVE BEEN CHANGED: TO DISCREDIT: THE AUTHOR. BUT IN TRUTH: I AM A HOLYSPIRIT CHOSEN ANOINTED DISCIPLE FOR GOD & CHRIST JESUS. EVEN FOR JEWS, MUSLIMS & GENTILE SINNERS. MANY PEOPLE WILL LEARN HOW TO> BECOME REAL BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN: THROUGH THIS HOLYSPIRIT BOOK & THROUGH THE PROTECTION & SUPPORT OF MY HOLYSPIRIT LIFE!! JOHN 3 & 15. ALL NATIONS WILL OVER COME THE SINS OF BIRTH CONTROL. *BECAUSE HOLY DOMINIONSHIP IS ONE OF THE FIRST COMMANDMENT IN GENESIS 1;26-31. ALL BELIEVERS: WILL COME TO A HOLY VOW OF REPENTANCE: THROUGH GODS RESTORATION & THROUGH GODS ADOPTION VOWS. YES!! THE KINGDOM OF GOD & HEAVEN!! IS AT HAND!! FOR ALL WHO BELIEVE IN THE ONE CREATOR GOD & CHRIST JESUS OUR HOLYSPIRIT ETERNAL LIFE SAVIOR:

SURELY YOUR NAMES WILL BE WRITTEN IN THE LAMBS BOOK OF LIFE!! *WHEN YOU SUPPORT & PROTECT MY HOLYSPIRIT LIFE. WE ARE BRANCHES >JOHN 15

REMEMBER: GOD HAS MADE ME A HOLYSPIRIT VOICE FOR THE BRIDE OF GOD & CHRIST JESUS IN 1996 GOD TOLD ME TO TEACH THE GOSPEL ON CABLE TELEVISION IN TUCSON ARIZONA. *CONCERNING THE SINS OF THE CHURCHES: &CONCERNING THE>LACK OF GIVING TO THE POOR & ORPHANS: CHRISTIAN CHURCHES SHOULD: BUILD MORE:> WATER WELLS: & BUILD LOW INCOME HOUSINGS: MATTHEW 25 & ISAIAH 61

2 comentarios:

  1. Wha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Where on earth did you get these ones?? Had such a good laugh now.

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    Respuestas
    1. Just type "hilarious book titles" on Google and you will find a LOT of amazingly stupid and weird ones lol.

      I'm even thinking of doing a series of posts featuring funny titles just because they amuse me that much.

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